Beautifully Happy

"We saw your Japan photos... You look beautifully happy in them." - my granddad

It was time for a post-Japan family catch-up yesterday so I decided to call my granddad. I knew he'd be disappointed I didn't send him and my grandma a postcard from Japan (not that I didn't look! apparently Japanese people just don't do postcards) so I rang up to reassure them I had been thinking of them.

I was so pleased to hear that thanks to wifi and smartphone technology my brother had been able to show them my facebook travel photos. That way they could - at least visually - be a part of this trip too. Then granddad said those words (main quote). I must confess I didn't know what to say!! They made me think... The last time a family member noticed unusual 'happiness' in a photo of me was my dad, 6 years ago, while going through my baptism pictures. I remember dad looking at me very suspiciously and saying something about me looking "different" and "smiley" and happy. My sister and another friend also commented that my face looked "radiant" in many photos.

It's interesting. Was I happy-er in Japan? I don't remember asking myself that question while I was there. There were responsibilities and things/people to look after. There were lowlights and times when I felt vulnerable. There were times when I got lost and felt stupid. I had to depend a lot on others and the language barrier was at times very limiting. There were also times when I missed home and thought "What is this crazy place!?!?!" So no, I wasn't always happy in Japan, at least not as the world understands happy-ness.

I'm still processing what the whole experience meant to me but all I can say for now is that it felt normal. It felt normal being in Japan, hanging out with students, getting to know folk, picking up some of the language, looking around and soaking in this bizarre and yet fascinating culture... Obviously, I knew I wasn't going to be there a long time so I tried not to get attached to the place or people too much. Rather I tried to focus on the task given me for that one set period of time. I wonder if what my family saw in those photos was a "content" sort of happy-ness: happiness from doing what I love doing in the place God has given me a love for?

"He will give you the desires of your heart", the bible says. I want to be honest with everyone: I have no idea what 's next and what desires God has planned on giving me this year. The challenge and assignment for now is to wait and focus on the current task given me: to live, love and serve him here in Oxford, until he says "Go".

"In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the LORD determines their steps." (Proverbs 16:9) So until he shows me, I shall rest in this promise.

-sando